(They walk to Notre Dame Cathedral and ring the doorbell, which is a huge church bell.)

Hunchback
(From the belfry above) Eric!   We have guests!

Phantom
(Opening the door.) Bon Soir, mes amies. Welcome to the French Quarter of Monster Street.  I am the Phantom of the Opera.  How may Quasimodo and I be of service?

Ebeneezer
Well, a couple of things.  First of all, everyone?  Trick or Treat!

Phantom
Ah, one moment.  Quasimodo buys the Hallowe’en candy.   It is one of the few joys in his pathetic life.   Quasi!   We have Trick or Treaters!

Hunchback
Oh, good!  I have bells for them!  (He hands down a bag.)

Phantom
Oh no, here we go again.   Quasi, have I not told you?   These are Christmas candies!

Hunchback
We’re monsters who live in a Cathedral!  What do you want?

Phantom
It’s alright, Quasi.   Here you go kids.    Think of them as Hallowe’en bells.  Imagine they are orange and black.  Now, you said a couple of things?

Ebeneezer
Ah yes, the Invisible Man has been murdered. Stabbed in the back.

Phantom
Mon Dieu!  How monstrous!   Who did it?

Ebeneezer
We’re not sure.  But it turns out he was into blackmail and two of the people on his blackmail list are you and The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Phantom
I know nothing of blackmail!   Quasi!   You didn’t kill anyone, did you?

Hunchback
Sanctuary!!!   Sanctuary!!!

Phantom
Quasi!   Did you kill, or were you being black mailed by, the Invisible Man?

Hunchback
(Immediately calming down) Oh.   Nope.

Phantom
There you have it.   What was this transparent monsieur attempting to blackmail us with?

Ebeneezer
Well, it says here that “The Phantom of the Opera and the Hunchback of Notre Dame – are not really monsters. They are just ‘physically challenged.’”

Phantom
Merde!   What a thing to say!  (Quasimodo moans from above!)

Ebeneezer
I think he means you’re not really dead like Dracula or…

Phantom
I KNOW what he means!

Duet for the Phantom and the Hunchback

Verse One

The Phantom of the Opera
Dracula’s the living dead.   You’ve heard his bloody tune.
Wolfman goes from man to wolf from nothing but the moon.
Mummy’s come back from the grave.  Some sort of ancient curse.
And Frankie’s stitched from body parts.  He just might be the worst.

But don’t suppose my claim to monsterhood is just my face.
From acid burn or birth defect, it terrifies the place!
Still, I’ve got magical powers and I don’t mean witch’s spells!
There’s a lot of things that I can do!

The Hunchback
And I play monstrous bells!

Chorus One

The Phantom
How dare he say we’re just deformed?!!

The Hunchback
And that we’re both just human beings?

The Phantom
We make the list of Famous Monsters

The Hunchback
Each and every Hallowe’en!

The Phantom
We’ve been portrayed so many times
On stage and on the silver screen!
I think he said it ‘cause he’s jealous!

The Hunchback
Or he said it ‘cause he’s mean!

Verse Two

The Phantom
Yes, I made my Christine come to me with nothing but my voice!
And the Opera House paid what I said!  They didn’t have a choice!
(I) Made Carlotta’s voice croak like a toad and everybody jumped!
Yes, I’ve done a lot of monstrous things!

The Hunchback
I’ve got a monstrous hump!

The Phantom
And everyone recalls that time I dropped the chandelier!
Could an ordinary man do that?

(Music pauses for a beat as Everyone says)

Yes!

The Phantom
Ah, stick it in your ear!
Have you heard my organ playing?   Listen how the music swells!
Yes, I’ve done so many monstrous things!

The Hunchback
And I play monstrous bells!

Chorus Two

The Phantom
How dare they say we’re just deformed?

The Hunchback
And that we’re ordinary guys?

The Phantom
Well, okay, maybe Quasimodo…

The Hunchback
No, that’s just a pack of lies!

The Phantom
It’s that Invisible Monsieur
And all the lying things he said!
Yes, we would really tell him off

The Hunchback
If he wasn’t quite so dead!

Finale

Both Together
We both are famous monsters with a literary pedigree!
They’ve written musicals about us where we sing in every key!
You’d have a tough time adding up the times we’ve hit the silver screen!
So if you don’t like it, bugger off!   And Happy Hallowe’en!

(The Phantom storms inside and Quasimodo disappears into his bell tower.)

Ebeneezer
I think we upset them.   But we have other suspects to see.  Come on!

(Sings) There’s been a murder on Monster Street,
Monster Street, Monster Street.
But Trick or Treating on Monster Street,
To the castle we will go.

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